So, you have decided that you want to pursue a divorce from your New York spouse. What happens next? Experts say that there are a few tips and tricks that can help you prevent serious emotional problems when you tell your spouse about your intention to file for divorce.

The key to breaking the news is simple: Be gentle, kind and understanding. Most importantly, you do not want to “blindside” your spouse by telling them about your concerns at an inappropriate time. By now, you and your spouse should probably have been discussing the issues in your relationship — in fact, the desire for a divorce may be mutual. However, if you have not even mentioned your dissatisfaction with the marriage, your spouse could easily be devastated. Your spouse deserves to know that something is wrong with your relationship before you dive into requesting a divorce.

Telling your partner that you want to break up is also all about timing. You want to set aside a significant amount of time to talk and really explain yourself. Make sure that you are framing your message by using “I statements;” that is, explain how you are feeling instead of blaming your spouse for your unhappiness. You need to break the news in a calm, sensitive manner at a time when you both have time to react and respond. The importance of carefully planning your words cannot be stressed enough during this difficult time.

Initiating the conversation about divorce is never an easy task. You will begin facing divorce legal issues and have to start considering child custody, child support and a variety of other factors at the end of a marriage. Taking the time to plan out your initial interaction could make the difference between an adversarial and an amicable split.

Source: The Huffington Post, “How To Tell Your Spouse That You Want A Divorce” Susan Pease Gadoua, Aug. 04, 2014